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Sigh. How do you know? How do you know when the decisions you make are right? How do you decide when to open your mouth? You just might fuck things up. Sigh....I feel so god damn guilty. It's like all this is my fault. It's like If I had not said anything none of this would have happened. This is bullshit. This is so fucking bullshit.....I'm really sorry... ~Am~ at 5:03 PM
Hello to all. I'm going home tomoro. To all those still in Melbourne, have a terrific holiday. I will see you all in 3 mths time. To those who are going home to Spore. I'll see you all there. Bruneians! Will be home before New Year. Will catch up then... Hugz to everyone...take good care...will blog when i have the chance. =o) ~Am~ at 9:27 AM Lunch, Bento Boxes Friends, Catching up Shopping, Bikinis, Pyjamas, Laughs Video Games, Cards Chocolate Long conversation A nice hug I've had a good day..... ~Am~ at 3:30 AM ~Am~ at 4:28 AM She expected the worse. She got it. But she knows she'll be fine. She just needs to get her act together and move on. ... ~Am~ at 3:36 PM
- Mum - ~Am~ at 12:14 PM Hello all. Went for my first north indian wedding yesterday. The bride was a dancing friend of mine...and believe it or not..she's 24 and she's getting married..... Was really really fun though. hehe. I swear I've been born into the wrong race. Last night was like a dinner and dance... Shan lent me her ghagra. It's a two piece dress. Lime green top and long skirt. Was really really nice. We dressed up..make-up..jewellery....the works.... We ate good food...butter chicken..raita....lamb curry...nan...samosa...everything. Then..hehe..best part of the night...we danced to bhangra....that was excellent...sigh....clubbing urges coming on.... The bride looked so beautiful...she was wearing an orange punjabi suit..was really really bright..and vibrant and all...and she looked so good...wonder if marriage makes you look better...like they say pregnancy does...wonder if getting married has that same effect.....sigh...makes me think....when all you people get married..hhe.....hey...put me on the table with its own buffet k? haha.....don't think I won't be coming for the food...*grin*... The night ended at about 12. I was so tired...cos I haven't been getting enough sleep the past few nights. We had to get up early this morning to go to the temple for the actual wedding ceremony. So we only managed to squeeze in like 5-6 hrs of sleep...four people had to battle for one shower...shan...her aunt...her cousin..and I....whoa...was feeling so whoozy and all...... Wore Shan's blue punjabi suit today...that was really nice as well. Punjabi suits are kinda like pants..and a long top...had a shawl and all..cos we had to cover our heads when we went to the temple......kinda like wearing my tudong all over again (the scarf that Muslims wear but I had to wear it in secondary school in Brunei). But yeah...the thing kept slipping off..it was funny... The bride was wearing a really really heavy dress...it was sumthing like 7kg..she needed help getting up and all....whoa...can't imagine hanging around for a few hours in that thing..waiting for the groom to arrive..he was late...and there was a plan to get the groom's shoes cos apparently if the bride's side gets the groom's shoes...the groom's family has to give them some money..haha..that was funny..cos the groom came into the temple on a horse..and there were like hoards of girls trying to wrestle the shoes off his feet...haha..we got them in the end...*grin*....girls getting more violent these days... There were prayers...in the temple...and the bride and groom completed the ceremony by circling a holy book 4 times...and that was it...they were officially married. She's going to fly off to the US with her husband on tuesday. Man..can you imagine..just up and going to a country you've never been to...to start a whole new life..not knowing anyone....if you have promblems you dun have family there to turn to...sigh..scary thought.....and she met him online too..haha...note to people..it's possible...=o) to find someone online...who's not psychotic with rapist tendencies.......=o) but hey..it was a pretty good 2 days....all the food i ate....temple food was good too man..vegetarian..hehe..candz? But man......things are moving so fast..imagine...this is my first wedding I've gone where I know the person getting married...sigh...next thing you know..everyone else will be getting married.......whoa...way fast... ~Am~ at 10:37 PM What do you do? When your feelings go haywire and nothing seems to make sense. Your rationality goes down the drain and you let your heart affect your mood..your thoughts...everything. Sigh...I wish I could control my feelings...better yet...Somtimes i wish I was void of feelings...to not have to go through pain..suffering..but yet...how would you enjoy happiness.......sigh....Just....not in the mood to feel right now....just don't want to....... ~Am~ at 2:59 AM Smashed Blurry Sick Whoozy Embarassed...Big time... ~Am~ at 10:12 AM It's OVER Phew...exams are finally over. Imagine man..a WHOLE year has just gone by......one uni year....but we all made it...hehe..it's weird..how I've been waiting for this day for like AGES...but yeah..now that it's here...i dun feel anything...=os Need to give me grannie a call...it's been a pretty long time since i called her...kinda feeling bad though..was at Thresherman's the other day...it's this uh..place where they have like hot food....pastries...very obviously artifically coloured ice cream (candz? Hehhe..*wink*)...and uh....DONUTS! hehe....=o) but yeah..was there for lunch before my exam...and there was this group of elderly people...they were like..on a tour together......it was kinda nice...just having a relaxing day...enjoying themselves...and then..it kinda made me think....when i'm that old..sigh..i wonder if I'd be happy..if I'd be lonely...if I'd have a dog...(*grin*).. I mean..for one...some of them couldn't finish their food...sigh..with my appetite now..i wonder if it'll carry until old age...and I'm already so mobile now...imagine not being able to get around as much....sigh....now i miss my grandma...she should be pretty lonely...my grandpa and her are separated....so she kinda stays alone..she has a dog...=o) and apart from that...she's sick quite a lot...but she still cooks like WOW..and she goes around..gardening and all....overall..i reckon she's pretty alright for someone her age......but I wonder...when we're not around..what does she do? .... She dotes on us so much..my brother and i....she keeps feeding and feeding and feeding us....man...she always complains I'm too thin..haha..my dad likes to tell her I'm on a diet so she'll keep bugging me to eat more....gee..thanks dad....and haha....it's amazing..she has a great memory when it comes to who is attached to which girl/guy..who is getting married...who is due in for kids..haha.....it's like....she'll always ask me...without fail...whether I've gotten a bf...how i should get one soon otherwise I'll be alone and never get married..how it's easier to find one in uni..yada yada yada...sigh....man..haha..i should go and tell her...go dote on Ivan..he's attached already..haha....then i can run off scott free...*grin*... sigh..i miss her..will give her a call tomoro.... ~Am~ at 2:45 PM The child looks up. He can see the shiny wrapper, its pretty colour, the long slender shape. He can just taste it. The jolt, the sweetness, the feeling of happiness which comes from possessing it. From having it all to his own... Yet..the child knows. He can't have it. His mother would never let him. He could beg. But his mother would never let him. He could cry. But his mother would never let him. He wants it so badly....He wants to be selfish. He doesn't want to care. But he does. He does deep down inside. Nothing can help. Nothing will change. He just can't have it. He can't... ~Am~ at 3:21 AM BIRTHDAY EE PIN!! Hoping all your bday wishes come true yeah? Make many many many. Hehe. *hugz* ~Am~ at 11:32 AM 
"All endings are beginnings. We just don't know it at the time..." The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom It's a really great book. Highly recommended. Makes you kinda think about who we may really meet when our time is up. It's somewhat different....really got me thinking....It's not the usual meeting people we've loved and lost....it's a lot to do with how our lives are connected to others and how it does not occur to us until we die. I dun wanna say too much..in case it spoils it for anyone who wants to read it...but yeah...recommended.... It's not a hard book to read. Small and not too thick. Good for those who have no time to read or don't like to read lengthy books.....=o) haha..which helps me a lot cos I'm coming to realise I have less time to read books..only manage to pack in heaps during hols...hehe...any other good books to recommend people....hols are on their way...All out for the reading mood.... ~Am~ at 10:37 PM
I kinda miss it though.....sitting back....looking up...seeing stars....it's really beautiful when you can actually see them....doesn't happen much in the city cos it's too cloudy most of the time...sigh....I can't wait....a few more days..it'll all be over.....hehe..Candice..can you smell it? FREEDOM!!!! ~Am~ at 11:27 AM NICE SONG It's been five months since you went away Left without a word and nothing to say When I was the one who gave you my heart and soul But it wasn't good enough for you, no So I asked God God send me an angel From the heavens above Send me an angel to heal my broken heart From being in love 'Cause all I do is cry God send me an angel To wipe the tears from my eyes And I know it might sound crazy But after all that I still love you You wanna come back in my life But now there is something I have to do I have to tell the one that I once adored That they can't have my love no more Cause my heart can't take no more lies And my eyes are all out of cries Now you had me on my knees Begging God please to send you back to me I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep You made me feel like I could not breathe Now all I wanted to do was to feel your touch And give you all my love But you took my love for granted Want my lovin' now But you can't have it God God send me an angel From the heavens above Send me an angel to heal my broken heart From being in love 'Cause all I do is cry God send me an angel To wipe the tears from my eyes Angel by Amanda Perez ~Am~ at 11:42 AM Revolution Ok. Went to watch Matrix revoution today. I woke up early and watched the second matrix cos...yes...this slow person hadn't watched it yet. Sumthing came up then and i couldn't make it to watch it with everyone else. And wasn't into watching the movie on my own....so...I was up early in the morning...watching the matrix..and ok...the action scenes were a little long..and the plot only came at the end....but ok...the first one was still the best.... forgiveable..just thought I'd wait for THE END this afternoon..and sigh...ok...honest opinion...i was disappointed. I dun wanna say too much but for those of you who've watched it...yeah...tell me what you think. I wasn't really impressed. If i can say that the second matrix was better...oh man...then hehe...this couldn't have been really that great. But yeah..graphics and fights scenes were defnitely better for the third one. overall...sigh..not very happy...felt so disappointed i had to watch SHAOLIN SOCCER to make myself feel better....haha....but yeah.....Saving grace...the first matrix was THE BEST...I'll hinge on that....keanu was still as cute as ever in revolution......AND i got jealous of Trinity cos she got to kiss him so many times....aarrggh...life's unfair...ahaha...that's about it.......oh well...tell me what you all think for those who've watched it....=o) ~Am~ at 1:23 AM So it starts... I come home at 3am from the library. And you're not here. The house feels empty. I turn on the lights, dump my weekly washing in the machine, take a hot shower. It's the first night that you're not home. I know where you are. You don't need to say. It's going to become the norm i suppose. I'll see you less. You'll spend more time away from home. And even when you're around, I feel like I'm shut out. You stay in your room. Your door is closed. I dun feel it's right for me to go in. So I don't. It's like I'm locked out of my own home. But I'm not. I know things are not going to be the same. I'll understand. I'll learn to live with it. We'll begin to run our own lives. We might end up drifting. But I'm prepared to face it. Cos I'm happy for you. I've always wished this for you and now it's happened. You're happy and that's what's important. All of this is bound to happen. Friends...siblings. It's the same. Nothing changes. But I'm prepared to move on. I'll get use to things. It'll be hard. But I'll get there. Don't worry. I will.... ~Am~ at 4:35 AM GOOD NEWS My brother got attached. It's prob the best news I've gotten this week. It's soooo cute. Haha....was so excited the whole day. When i found out i was literally squeeling at Brunetti's. Yeah yeah...call me crazy.... Sigh...man...and now..i just feel lonely. I know i'm not going to see him as much anymore. Damn....oh well...... ~Am~ at 1:28 AM |
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