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Today...i handed in my TPL essay..sigh..the feeling you get..when you slot it through the bloody slot..hai..happiness...
I'm going SHOPPING!!! i need the rest man...after writing a freaking 20 page essay with a biblio that crosses bloody FOUR pages..sigh...i deserve it... hehe.....sigh.....tushie baby....i NEED to call you..my god...i dunno why i'm excited...i shouldn't be...but heck man....who cares..i need the excitement in life...hmm..but then again.it's not good..oh no....ahhhh..ok..call and talk to you about it tonight... CANDZ!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU..HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO CAAAANNNNNNDDDIIIIICCCCEEEEE.......HEHEHE....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOO...UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU *BIG SMILE*....*BIG HUG*.... I'll call you tonight too ok..haha..have things to tell you too..oh man..you're so going to slap me.... ok peeps...that's it from me...onwards to my next venture..ehe...the search for a new set of jeans..cos this pair is seriously dying... ~Am~ at 10:03 AM more than half way through..man..i can do this i can do this.. ~Am~ at 3:51 AM hmm...i realised....suppresion of feelings..works..for a little while...but it'll get back at you..kinda like now....in the afternoon..i was so sleepy...and i tried to...'supress' that feeling by forcing myself to stay awake..it's 9.10pm now..and i'm feeling damn sleepy...sigh..going to read one last case...chill at lid's place and come back and write lah.hehe..damn good feeling..to write..woo hoo..hehe....man...inspiration baby.... ~Am~ at 9:15 PM
i was going for an exam...although i dunno what exam it was..but when i entered the exam hall..i din know where i was sitting...i was walking round aimlessly looking for a seat..in the end i went to ask for a seat..and the invigilator asked me to sit in any empty one...so i sat down.. when the exam started..i was given two papers..two different subjects..i was taking TWO freaking papers...but when i read the papers..i only knew how to do one of the papers..i din know shit about the other one......suddenly i heard music...someone was listening to their MD..and then someone came and crouched next to me and started telling me sumthing but i din understand..and then another person started talking to me...and then more and more..the whole exam hall went chaotic...and then...i woke up.. sigh...i dunno..i sat in bed for a while..trying to interpret prob one of the very few dreams i have remembered in a long time..says a lot about me...i DON"T DREAM!!! or at least i dun remember my dreams.. but i dunno....i was dumped into some empty seat...dun have any idea what that meant...was i suppose to settle with what i have??...was i supposed to deal with what was going on as best i can???..and the two exams...is it like..two problems? but then..i could do one...and i couldn't solve the other...maybe..hai..one was my freaking ESSAY..and yeah..by hook or by crook i had to be able to do that man..otherwise by monday i'd be dead...and yeah..what did the other exam mean? my emotional side? ...=os i couldn't solve it...i couldn't even see the words on the paper man..but i could see the diagrams and everything for the other paper.... then..what about the music? the ppl talking to me...frens? advice? but i din understand anything? i coulnd't hear what anyone said to me....they just kept talking and talking and talking... sigh...god..maybe i'm reading too deeply into my dreams...but yet..in some sense..what i deduced...is reflective of what is going on around me....is it trying to tell me something?......i feel so messed up it's not funny..sigh....i dunno....I'm lost.... ~Am~ at 1:36 PM
Here's a dumb poem to put a smile on that gorgeous face :) Shan is hankering for laksa Yupp, laksa would make her very happy What to do, it's not Singapore So she'll just eat her Aunt's mutton curry Shan is Part 2 to Manli She's a disaster in the kitchen This you might find very funny She blew up her microwave oven So she's heating her mutton curry In the bloody toaster oven Mind you, this is a true story Her talents aren't in the kitchen The End. Okie pokie (lately I been saying this alot and it pisses Anita off)... that poem was the best I could do given the hunger pangs :( .... the oven timer just rang... so I'll be off now dearieeeeeeeeeeee ~Am~ at 2:22 AM
~Am~ at 12:54 AM wow...hey..blogger looks cool now...haah..ok..cheap thrill....i epilated today..i knowit sounds dumb..but i did..amidst all my studying i couldn't take it anymore..so...i went to do something that would help me relieve stress..and i did!!! ...haha....so..yeah...hai..the pain we have to go through.... ~Am~ at 5:16 PM man...i'm messed up..seriously...dun you hate it when you dunno what you want? it's so weird.... ~Am~ at 5:22 PM sigh,,,,,ploughing through essay today..decided not to go to the library...going to stay at home and try to get some work done...right...tush..bet you're rolling eyes at me....but yeah...it's been like some real topsy turvy few weeks man..sigh..tush..thank you dear..for helping me sort things out...duno what i'd do if you didn't..seriously....if you weren't around i'll still be babbling rubbish to myself..i swear...it wun be funny... to lid..hehe..thank you..for helping me realise.....i may not have realised it so early if it wasn't for your theory..... shan baby..how's the essay..i am waiting for another poem to come up on 'just us'...hehe..... lib dearie..all the best for today's paper..and then you'll be free...lucky ppl..... to viv..who's prob at home...school starting soon yeah? hope you had a good holiday candz...hehhe....how's the military? *grin*...we'llbe fine soon...monday..woo hoo!!!! the fact i can slip that pile of papers through that slot..sigh.it'll be the BEST thing... doris...kie....how's brunei...doris....when u coming down to sydney?? yy? how's home? it must be so nice to be back wit family..hey...have you 3 met up yet? ok..going to go back and plough through my stuff. hugz ppl...love ya all... ~Am~ at 11:31 AM haha..ok ok..i gave it back right? man...sigh...peeps...i feel yuck...like really yuck..like scum of the earth...aaarrggh...sigh... ~Am~ at 9:14 PM
why did u kidnap my darling phone???? ~Am~ at 5:09 PM
 Goddess of green. You probably prefer to be outside where you can get some fresh air! What element would you rein over? (For Girls) brought to you by Quizilla what the!! i'm the freaking goddess of green..hhaa..it's better than my "what wild animal are you?"...i was a penguin ppl!!1 aarrggh... ~Am~ at 12:40 PM
 SPIRIT is your chinese symbol! What Chinese Symbol Are You? brought to you by Quizilla ~Am~ at 11:39 AM haha...ok ok..i'll call you tonight baby..i know i must have sounded so dumb....you go ace your exam...i'll talk to you about i tonight...my god...i was up till 3am on the phone last night...sigh...2 1/2 hours of talking is not funny..your ears hurt..seriously..for real.... tush babe...tonight k? ~Am~ at 12:10 PM
~Am~ at 12:38 AM sigh....how do you know...when you're slipping into something...something so unexpected..but if it's unepected how can you know... you never realised it before..and now it's crept up behind you..and you start to question...whether you want this...whether you're ready... ~Am~ at 7:47 PM
~Am~ at 11:44 AM god..i feel so lazy...one more essay to go..and it's like..aarrggh..why do i have to do this...sigh...wish it was all over..so i could sit around and do nothing... ~Am~ at 12:42 PM sigh,..exams are over..now one more essay to do..i'm damn scared man..it's like 3000 words long and i still have no clue what to do..why why why..sigh... the exam hall was freezing too..damn it man.....my fingers were on the verge of falling off..it was so not funny....sigh..anyhow..good luck to lid and lib who have exams tomoro..study hard..will be shopping on sat i hope...sigh..pending i get some research done...=o) trying...really..i am.. ~Am~ at 7:12 PM last night was pretty damn fun...went out with a fren for dinner..was his bday..and yeah..went for coffee after that and talked a lot of nonsense...sigh..I'm supposed to be studying here..hello!!! can't wait till wed...i'll be free from one paper...and then..the major 3000 word crap session...sigh..how how..i'm so use to crapping like 2000 words..what's with the 3000 man...aarrgghh.... lid baby...dun fret..i know how you feel....in more ways than one..dun worry....msg you on icq...go check it ok? and yeah....the rest...sigh..i miss you all..i wanna see you all really soon..but i wun..the rest in brunei..will be another 6 mths...spore..it'sll be again another 6 mths...sigh..tush..less than a month.....melb ppl..soon soon..after the 30th....i'll be scott free...woo hoo!!! *prances around the room again* ~Am~ at 11:50 AM
and after that..he just kept looking...and he'll stop..and then look again..whenever i moved..he'll look....like..i could see out of the corner of my eye...shit man..was like all flushed..blushing and was damn uncomfortable..couldn't stand it man..so i went downstairs to get water....we moved to the 2nd floor after that...and when i went up again to the 3rd floor to find a fren..he passed by and smiled at me..i smiled back..shit man..wonder if i'll see him again tomroo..should have just leaned over and said..hi..you're cute..lets go for a drink..haha..but yeah..right...the day that happens.....*rolls eyes* ~Am~ at 2:32 AM Sigh..it's a scary thought..that although things may be alright and heaps of fun now..ppl drift...ppl 'move' further away from you..and it's not intentional...it just happens...when all your frens leave you cos they have other priorities to attend to..and you can't blame them....man...i dun want that to happen...but yet..it already has..it's already happened.......they forget you...they become distant...and soon you're like on the list of..."people i need to see so that i dun spend too much time away from them because i wanna be able to juggle between my priorities and so they wun feel like I'm drifting away from them.."..................right.... sigh..Tush dear....dun forget me when you're married off and having kids and bringing them to god knows where ok? hehe...make sure you visit me and my doggie...and hey...leave your three kids with me once in a while lah..i wun squash em or anything...i'll be the auntie who prances around the room and keeps falling down all over the place....=o) and yeah...hmm..considering whether i should go see your astrologer..hehe..i swear..i'll so laugh at you if the person says...i see someone in your future..he's small...hairy...and has four legs....*grin* ~Am~ at 3:02 PM
i just sent him a really long mail..and yeah..will be calling him later anyway...just hope he's alright.... life can be so unfair...sigh....not like things have been going great for him..NUS isn't helping...stupid uni....i dunno...just wish I could be there... ~Am~ at 11:49 AM progressing slowly....sigh...can't wait till exams are over...and realised....sigh..it's no point going back to spore..all the guys will be in NS..all the girls are busy working...sigh...dunno..now i'm kinda thinking about how much time i should spend during year end...sigh..prob not too long..will try to go home and spend more time at home i suppose....hehe..drive around..*grin*... was a pretty productive day today...did my last chapter of work..will try to do a little more tonight before i go to sleep...sigh....it's like a feel good day today...the day went relatvely well...no upheavals...no downturns..apart from the fact that i got caught in the rain...hai.. went for dinner at a fren's place today....there were like 10 ppl at dinner..majority were guys....they were nice...some new ppl i met...and i kinda realised...it's nice..when everyone is just frens..and there is like..no relationship thing getting in the way..like...no..yucky feelings...no going all queesy..it's like..so comfortable...sigh...man..it kinda worries me..how long i may stay in this daze..as in..i'm happy...just the way things are...although i'm sure being attached is a wonderful feeling..but...for the time being...it's so great to be single....no strings attached feeling..sigh...how long this feeling will last..i dunno..maybe till my frens gets attached..then..yeah..i'll be in trouble....ah...well....should enjoy the bliss while it lasts..yeah candz? *wink* ~Am~ at 10:33 PM
it's some stupid cycle...i dunno what to do...it's just dumb..i'm just dumb... ~Am~ at 11:14 AM la la la...*prancing around the room*... ~Am~ at 11:05 AM
~Am~ at 3:14 AM sigh. back in the library again. I managed to get some research done. So actually really happy. woo hoo. ehhee. Hmm. And have to continue mugging for my law exam. But I'm so tired it's not funny. Feel like sleeping. Which is what I'd prob do in a while. Hey TUSH..ppl in Oz...SIA is having a promotion...Gill was talking about it..it's true..pay 25% of the actual airfare from any country into Spore...apparently it's a SARS thing...since spore is now off the hazard list ...they are trying to encourage ppl to come back to spore....shit man..really thinking if I should go home...cos flights to brunei are having a promotion too...man...tush..you got your ticket here already? cos if you have then i'll stay here.... ~Am~ at 1:08 PM Hey..I did a good deed today....i've been grinning like the whole way back from Uni to the law building... went to hand in my assignment and stopped by union to get sumthing to eat..sat down..was staring out the window..and this girl came..and asked if i wanted to buy chocolate for charity...help unfortunate kids go to primary school..and i was like..shit..i dun have $4 to buy chocolate..cos i haven't withdrawn and i just bought lunch... she went off..and i felt so bad..sigh...so..after eating..i went to find her and gave her whatever change I had and asked her to take it...it was like only $1+......she wanted to give me a chocolate anyway but i said it's ok..i know how it feels...sigh..i still remember Flag day man...feels damn good when ppl give donations...and it's not easy man...i gave her a hug and wished her luck..she was smiling so much..sigh..it's so nice to make ppl happy... guess it makes you feel good that you can make someone smile..and that you can help someone who needs more help than you..heck..i can get myself a new coat and a new top..sigh..what's a dollar.....right? ~Am~ at 1:41 PM sigh..back from lid's place...have to get down to doing up this project..man.. hey....dunno if anyone's ever felt this before...this sudden surge of happiness..like..dunno..suddenly everything is so clear....like...for some period of time you've been feeling all crap and stuff....and now...it's like..it's all gone... dunno..it's like how I feel now..like..all this emptiness...it's gone....all this bluriness...it's gone....all this depression..it's gone...ok..sounds dumb..i know..but for some reason..it's like...i can see things all over again...sigh..thank god it was a phase man....i can be me again.... maybe it's seeing everything around me..and putting things into perspective...realising what's impt in life.......trying to just find out why the heck i was feeling so dumb and useless....and just...trying to make sense of what was going on..and i did.....haha..lid..the stoning on your floor today was good... i'm glad now...cos i know i'm going to be ok..... ~Am~ at 9:16 PM
~Am~ at 11:50 AM Sigh. Have to go library tomoro. Man. and project due like on tuesday. better get all of this done ASAP. i so want exams and everything to be over so i can sit and stone.....sigh. Lately..been feeling like.empty..neither here nor there...it's like limbo man... dunno..i mean..been meeting nice ppl in the library...and yeah...we're meeting new frens..so..it's kinda nice i guess...i know someone who's happy..hehe..happy for you dearie...=o) told you good things do happen... me on the other hand....dunno what i'm feeling...BUT.....hehe..i bought a new jacket and top..it's nice..hehe.going to wear tomoro..ahem..see who's attention i can grab tomoro...*grin*..man..the things i do when there is like nothing else better....=o( AND...i drove...woo hoo...thank you libby baby..hehe..felt damn good man...to drive again...sigh..i miss driving...wanna drive....want a car.....*gloom*..... ~Am~ at 2:18 AM
~Am~ at 2:15 AM Hello AM-SIFIED! hehehehe, dun ask me why, i just like to call u that! Thanks for finally inviting me to ur personal blog! *muack* DO NOT STONE n THink too much in the library woman ok, We'll go for a "smoke" often often n empty our brains ok! CYa tml woman, Will msg more here, meanwhile, hahaha I see u for like 10 hrs a day in the library, heating up our "lesbianism" and all! SO there! CHIONG all the way! to shan : MUACKKKKKKK! *whopper really makes the best supper ~Am~ at 2:10 AM i will baby. thank you. sigh. i really should. was thinking about it the other day too. maybe for once I'd get some peace of mind. and i feel bad that i keep putting it off. sigh. i will..will try. i love you.... ~Am~ at 11:03 AM
As the folks at (B)(M)ollywood would say... I LOU YOU! :D ~Am~ at 2:43 AM Have you ever felt so alone? like no one cares. no one listens. no one understands....And all you can do is cry yourself to sleep cos you think you'll feel better in the morning. but the feeling doesn't really go away. it just lingers..and lingers...and lingers.... ~Am~ at 11:14 PM oh damn it man...fuck..sigh....now i dunno what to think....i want it and yet i dun want it..i'll feel so vulnerable..so damn stupid...and i dun want that....fuck lah...i hate this feeling..oh god..please go away...i just want to be me again...me...i was alright...i din need a thing in the world.... ~Am~ at 3:17 AM
with ppl around me having crushes..and bloody S11 (spore frens)..talking about love and all..shit man..aarrrggh..this is so crap....ying..you're right..i usually am so independant..why is this happening to me?!?!?!....like now...god...i feel so scared that i'll be alone..like..everyone around me will get attached and i'll be all by myself again..sigh... life can be so crappy...i mean...i dunno..maybe it's a phase..with all the stress and nonsense..just this feeling that i actually do wanna know how it feels..how it feels to be attached and have someone bother about you...hmm..although..i dunno..maybe the feeling will last for a while..and then it'll fade...aarrggh..so weird to admit it when i'm usually so.."i'll be alright without a guy for now."...i mean.it's not a desperation thing..i guess it's more of a curiosity thing..like...wondering how things would be like if.... sigh..dunno..feel really muddled up inside....and it feels yuck..urgh..found myself wandering around the library aimlessly..cos i just couldn't concentrate..just spaced out for ages..sigh...why in the world does this have to happen to me...=o( i just need to go do sumthing stupid..like realy stupid...sigh...lid, lib and I did do sumthing dumb though..haha..we played CATCH on the lawn in front of the lib at freaking 12+ in the morning..was so damn fun..we ran around..laughed so loud ppl came by to see what all the noise was about..ahha...man...it felt so good..i wanna be a kid again..you thnk less..you worry less... ~Am~ at 3:11 AM wah....in the library now..with lid on my left...trying to study but i feel so tired..ate too much and all i wanna do is sit and stone...sigh..oh well..maybe i'll have like a 20 mins nap and get back to it..hmm..sigh....*yawn*... it was so packed today at the library..had to sit at the 3rd floor..but later...we migrated from 3rd flr to 2nd flr cos i dunno...i like it there...not so claustrophobic...and my need to see ppl or anything move around while i study..lid claims it's cos i wanna see ahem...'ppl'...*wail*..they've been teasing me...hmmm...dun worry lidi babe...i'll get back at you..you'll see...*evil grin*... ~Am~ at 8:20 PM
off to the library again today....should be up till late...=o( man...once all this is over...it'll be like..FREEDOM!!! hehe..for a while anyhow... Kie..sorry i din manage to call after..no one picked up the house phone..and no one picked up your hp also.....so.i'll call you another time soon alright? dun worry about that...you take good care of yourself...miss you heaps.... man...wish everyone would stop talking about love...it's irritating....i mean...all my frens in spore are doing some mass discussion over email about whether love exists..or whether it's some force that we can't control or what nonsense...sigh...stop stop stop...aarrggh..all this talk about love is making me feel yuck....i dunno....ah...shall stay out of it..dun feeel like scrutinizing the meaning of love and stuff like that.....it could go on forever...besides...i think we all have our own views on what love is...it's really entirely up to us anyhow..and what we all go through...so...ah..heck it...if i listen somemore...I'll prob go nuts... i guess no matter how much you dun feel like you need someone...sometimes you do..like...just the feeling of knowing that someone bothers about you..thinks about you..cares about you...man..it's like more than enough...but ah...dunno..prob get over the idea sooner or later....sometimes i kinda wonder why we bother so much when there are like so many other things to worry about... like the other day we saw this HK movie...there was this father who lost his leg and he had to travel back and forth from china and HK...man..sigh...lib, lid and i watched it...guess it kinda makes you realise how lucky we are...cos we have so many things we take for granted...like the clothes we wear...the education we get..a roof over our heads..our health..our families...i felt the same way when i was in uni..lid and i were sitting outside UNION and this guy on a wheelchair came up and asked us to buy a "Big Issue" to help the homeless...man...aaarrggh...it's like sometimes you dunno what to say when it comes to situations like that....=o( and lid and i saw two kids on Lygon selling things as well..they were really young...and on their own..man...it's like..my parents had to do all that to survive when they were younger....shit i feel damn lucky...and i really hope that one day..(if i ever have kids)...i wouldn't have to put them through that..that i'll be able to give them only the best...sigh..but yet it's such a scary thought...thinking about the future...where you'd be..what you'd be doing...sigh..whether you'd be happy..whether it'd be hard...things like that....=os sigh..should stop thinking so much..... ~Am~ at 11:33 AM SIgh...another day at the lib....how exciting......and up again tomoro repeat the whole cycle all over again...aarrgghh....oh well..what to do..it's what happens when you've got exams...we dun really have a choice.... man...so glad i have lid and lib to be there with me..otherwise..sigh..I'd be like dying in the library....i keep falling asleep in the afternoon though...hmm..but then it's like full steam all the way after...hehe... oh man..lid and i were so silly today..in the library....was damn dumb...making funny signs at each other..and at the rate we were hugging one another in front of ppl in the library.....ppl prob think we're les..haha...so not kidding....ai...oh..and i was telling her..how i realised....ansel...that's the name of the guy who i think is cute....he's got eyes like EDWIN...ok..he's a guy i had this major crush on when i was like in form 1 or 2....seriously...ying yeu, Doris, Jackie....hehe..you guys would remmeber him..Mr. Pear-Shaped...haha..but yah...edwin had nice eyes....ansel is like the...smaller version of him.....and not pear-shaped..and i'm not kidding when i say edwin was pear-shaped...as in..straight then big around the waist and then legs...hai..pear right? Man..that was a really freaky crush...seriously liked him....i was NUTS..... man..sigh..on the other hand....i hope two of me other frens are feeling better...guys do suck....dun worry...i agree with you both..one of my frens once told me....girls dun know a good thing until they lose it...guys just dunno a good thing...so..dunno which is better.....arrogance or stupidity.....sigh...just wish things wun be so difficult all the time..sigh..ah..screw them lah...who cares.... And in any case...i kinda realised i haven't thought about prash for ages...like..since last week..hmm...so weird..dunno....i guess it's good in some sense....dun think...dun bother too much..i'm a whole lot happier....no point putting myself through a whole lot of thinking which doesn't do me any good..just makes things worse....yes yes..the studying and the oogling is good...diverts my attention....=o) and yeah.to those having exams...(ie. those in Uni..cos semester is over....and those in JC...cos it's like mid year...)....all the best...hugz...gnite... ~Am~ at 3:12 AM |
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