| ||
|
yay...i finished my essay..woo hoo..*prances around the room*..i swear.i deserve a gold medal for the shit i had to go thorugh for this dumb 2000 word piece of nonsense..sigh..hope i do alright lah...*fingers crossed*...
on the other hand..i can concentrate on dancing now..yay!! woo hoo..yes yes yes..was just telling ffrens how i wish i could dance, act and sing all my life..sigh..dream come true man..but..sigh..daddy wun be too happy..so...stick to the norm....=o( but anyway..i'm free..at least for the next few days..to relax a little...and eyah..catch up..there is like major catching up to do..it's like my whle world ceased for one dumb essay...that's STUPID..ok ok..going to bed..it's 3.41 am..hehe...need to rest..got like DARK rings under my eyes man..oh well.. ~Am~ at 3:44 AM hehe..thanks lid..shit man..i sprained my ankle going to dance practice today..not only that..i took the wrong train to the wrong station...sigh..and i took the wrong bus yesterday...arrggh..i can't believe this...it's amazing..and yeah...it kinda hurts now...got my bro and 2 other frens to help massage my ankle..i was screaming the whole bloody house down..shit man... ~Am~ at 5:18 PM huahaha 19......welcome to the club....;) muax ~Am~ at 10:29 PM had a good day today...i'm 19..sigh..OLD...but yeah..thank you ppl..for today...i've had a good day... ~Am~ at 11:23 PM Phew...feeling a whole lot better now after talking to eddie..sigh...now i know what Kart is really like...didn't actually realise it before..but sigh..oh well..anyhow...Now that i know...not going to bother too much right now...he has a problem..he comes to me...for the meanwhile..I'll just be nice..ackonwledge his existence..blah blah blah..see what he has to say.... ~Am~ at 9:58 AM ok...cooled down a little...hai...going to try to see if i can find out what the heck is going on...cos seriously...it's not fair..and if he's not going to do it then I'd have to...just resolve whatever lah..and see how it goes... ~Am~ at 2:53 PM
~Am~ at 12:29 PM la dee daaa....sigh..yay..this dance thing is so fun..i"m going to be perfoming for Monash indian cultural society concert thingy...yeah..SHan asked me to join...so..ehe..it's kinda cool...she finds this so amusing..cos i'm going to be the only CINA there..sigh..i hope i dun muck up..but hey...it's good fun...enjoying meself...=o) ppl...dun laugh ok? ~Am~ at 1:00 PM hey..Haran..fren of mine..wrote this..take a look Close your eyes. Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the cool, mountain air. No one knows your secret place. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called "the world." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear and you can easily make out the face of the person you're holding under the water. There now.....feeling better? nice huh? ~Am~ at 9:13 PM
~Am~ at 1:25 PM ok..i dunno why..suddenly i miss my mum...i dunno..god..it's like..prob the only person who knows me well enough...knows what to tell me to do...cos god i feel so lost...like i dun seem to have an aim in life anymore..that really sucks.... sometimes i wish she was still around...cos she'll hug me and tell me that everything's ok....cos she'l let me know how special i am to her...cos she wun let me get a dog at the age of 30 cos she'll find me a guy and marry me off to him..haha...sigh...wish she could be there..whether it's the day i get married or the day i get my own dog..or the day i graduate..the day she can say she's really proud of me.....that she's looking down on me and she'll smile cos i made her happy... it's like..sumtimes you regret..regret you ever said anything....regret saying that she could go..regret saying "dun worry about us mum...i'll promise to take care of them for you"....regret saying things that made her upset..or wished i never went to spore cos i wanted to spend more time with her...if i could have spent every waking hour with her i would....sigh..i dunno...i want to take everything back......and yet i know i can't...cos life is so damn unfair that way....i dunno.... if only wishes came true...cos if i could have one wish in the world....I'd want her back.... ~Am~ at 2:59 AM
sigh..dunno why i was feeling so down today...was like in this pissy mood..after scolding my brother and having some argument about how he hardly does anything around the house...i dunno..went out for a while to school...realised i really need a holiday on my own.just need to go away for a while on my own..like a day at the beach..just me...time with me..myself...sigh..so need it...guess it's about time i pampered myself to some reflective time..i dunno...it's like..i need time to think about myself..assess myself..know what i'm doing...know who i am all over again..cos i seem to be losing myself lately..i dunno who i am..or what the heck i want...or what i wanna do..i just dont know....sigh...and beginning to think i'm not as strong as i use to be.....really need some time alone..to think bout what's going on around me..who's impt...what's impt....me..my thoughts..sigh..god..it's like all swimming and i dunno how to sort them out...=o( ah..well..when i get the time..i've got enough already having to handle essays..and ppl hounding me to go out..i wanna..but sumtimes i can;t..now i've quit my job..hope to have more time for frens...frens who are really worth it..and i know i've been negelcting.... ~Am~ at 2:49 AM man..i dun get why i feel like sleepoing so much..eithrim not getting enough..or i dunno..lazy..i dunno..sigh..why why..canno sleep so much mlah..must do essay.. ~Am~ at 5:48 PM
~Am~ at 12:17 AM sigh...feeling a whole lot better now..thank god...cold is more or less over..now it's the getting down and writing my essay part...sigh..ok ok.going to do this..i can i can i can...sigh.but i feel sooooo lazy..waahh... ~Am~ at 7:51 PM Laaa deee daaa...muaks... ~Am~ at 6:51 PM
~Am~ at 3:07 PM I'm sick..like really sick..like not feeling well..shit man...i so dunno how i'm going to take care of myself.... ~Am~ at 11:10 PM
~Am~ at 1:44 PM
~Am~ at 1:41 PM i finished my essay..laaa deee daa..and i'm still sick..and sad..sniff sniff... ~Am~ at 4:08 PM
but on the other hand..sigh..going to work today..stock up on whatever ice cream i don't have..i'm off tomoro..thank god...can get some rest..then need to research my next essay...cos yeah..due in the week after..shit man..so screwed...nonsense lah..got so much to do.... man..ok..after listening to shan...i think i'm beginning to be disappointed too...sigh...i dunno...he's seriously not calling...damn it man..screw him lah...I know where I stand..and obviously I'm not of any importance...so screw it lah..not going to bother to msg...call..mail..whatever...i've got things that are more impt anyway..humph...god..it's soooo stupid...i just dun get it....ahh...maybe he's not lonely anymore..so he doesn't need me..yah duh!!! THANKS...thanks for making me feel even more used than before....sucks....god...Am...why are you so stupid....It's unbelievable....i stll haven't learnt and this happens to you soooo many times....no..dun do too much Am..but what do i do...wow..i go all out..and in the end..i get hurt..damn stupid...taken for granted..blah blah blah...the usual lah..and the cycle continues....who's next man....sheesh.... i dunno..no school tomoro so can rest in for a while...still tired though....think it's cos i'm coughing like heck...*gloom*..why me....sigh..Tush babe...my glowing powers are receding...dunno how long i can hold out...and yeah..the flu isn't helping me much...damn it man...ok....i thought i could do this....i mean..i can..but it's reaching a point it's scary...like....revleation kinda thing...face reality doofus....things dun always last..they get shitty after....*rolls eyes*....ah..rambling on... I'm going to be lonely...cos guys are all cocks....shit...aarrghh.....going to do work..... ~Am~ at 11:14 AM Sigh..shit man..din get anything done on friday..so going to finish this essay off today..dun care what it is..have to..otherwise I'm going to be in so much shit.... but on the other hand..i had SUCH a good talk to the girls today..my god...talking about sex and nonsense..haha..we're damn stupid...sounding so sua ku...haha..but it's ok..we're girls...it's good to have this nonsnese once in a while...and man.my stomach was so bloated yesterday..by god..i was farting EVERYWHERE...hhaa..ok ok...and SHan sent me a page on farting..was it that bad babe? haha....ok..i shall stifle my farts just for you next time ok? sigh..and also on the topic of discussion.....getting a bf who's comfortable with whatever we do...under the criteria was...fixing a wedgie, making weird sounds and farting without having the fear that he'll break up with you the next day...haha..yeah....well...if such ppl do exist....*rolls eyes* Had a really nice long conversation with Tush last night..haha..we can go on forever babe..my whole friday consisted of just talking..lots and lots..and i realised how fast i was talking to you last night babe.haha..sorry if you din catch a word i said....but yeha..was so good to hear your voice.... feeling like i'm in limbo man..sigh..hello...Mr Puspanathan isn't bloody realising that i'm peeved off here...aarrghh...hello..how can men be SOOOO thick...i dun get it...maybe it just comes in the genetic make-up...blockheads!! sigh..oh well...guess i know where i stand then..he's going back to camp very very soon....i guess if i have no news by the time he's in camp..sigh..i guess I'll be pretty disappointed...it's harder now i guesss....the fear that you're not at all that impt to a person afterall......sigh..but oh well..at least if he doesn't say anything..i dun have the obligation to msg him anymore...takes off the burden of expectations and shit...and if he does say sumthing...well..damn it..he better put in some sort of effort....sigh..but for the moment..going to veer my attention to Huy..hehe..wun see him til wed though..how sad..but going to work on getting his number before easter..hmm..hahha...see how it goes..sigh...life in limbo can be so shitty....tush babe..glow! =o) ~Am~ at 9:17 AM hai...yes yes..i'm being all depressed and gloomy..going to write out my essay today...have no choice...sigh..better get down to doing it...and yeah...I'm damn hungry man...and damn tired..and i wanna go out but i can't...aarrggh.so nonsense...ok ok..going to go do work..and uh..Tush? hehe..glow! ~Am~ at 1:50 PM *gloom*...I've got so muchh work to do...aarrghh.. ~Am~ at 6:42 PM
~Am~ at 11:09 AM
~Am~ at 12:07 AM Ok...while i'm in the mood..i shoudl just bitch..fuck man...I din call him for a week plus..i stop msging him for a few days..and he actually msgs me...wow..amazing..but no...what does he do..he has the audacity to bloody ask ME to call HIM..what the fuck man..i dun really give a flying fuck lor..i'll just not bother..you want to talk to me..you bloody go get a card...cos i'm not too btherd right now..i'lve got better things to do... Shan...Tush...Lid..thank you for the advice..i'm needing it..and it helps..god..i feel so much better..for once i feel like i know what i'm doing..sigh..thank you thank you....owe you all one... ~Am~ at 6:24 PM ok..one thing to say..to lid and shan...it's HARD..not easy leh..all this cos it's a conscious effort..sucks man ~Am~ at 9:12 PM
sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled the light... Albert Schweitzer and yeah..this sounds pretty applicable.. friendship is never established as an understood relation it is a miracle which requires constant proofs. It is an exercise of the purest imagination and of the rarest faith... Henry David Thorean hmm..perhaps perhaps.... ~Am~ at 1:18 PM
~Am~ at 11:53 AM |
|
