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Man..didn't win the moot. BUt whoa..did we get heaps of tips from the guy who was judging us...he's a senior mooter..and apparently..he won the whole thing last year..shit man..and he was really helpful..it's only a practice round anyway....so...come back...next round....
~Am~ at 2:54 PM
and yeah..so many other things...just so tired of doing anything..sometimes i just wanna stop..not do anything...at all. I dunno. For once have someone take care of me for a day. my brother...anyone. I dun mind man. Hai..dunno..if anyone else feels the same way. Like they're just too tired to do anything anymore. and they just wanna depend on another person for a little while. anyhow..yeah..i'm weird. Just comes with being stressed and going delirious. But yeah. Hmm..Lid...Shan..need a hug ppl. So that yeah...feel better..not ready to take on the stress man..sniff sniff...aargggh... but hey..one thing good...i handed in my resignation last night. damn happy. So yeah..2 weeks more and i'm outta there...dun have time man...so dun think it's a good idea to keep going..maybe once i've stabalized everything..then i'll be happy... ok....last minute research for moot... ~Am~ at 10:05 AM
anyhow..going to research for the moot..forward...hope we win...*fingers crossed* ~Am~ at 12:39 AM oh man...done most of my reasearching..yay..thank god man..soooo glad...but yeah..for the moment...i'm going to reelax a little.cos i really really need it...anyhow...sigh..met a fren of mine yesterday..her name's Gillian..man.i hugged her for like the last time in 5 years and now i'm seriously sad..i mean..after Justin and Vagen came from spore..and Tush frm canberra...sigh..and now..all of them gone...i mean...it makes me kinda scared...ppl going they're separate ways..it's not going to be like before..and yeah..i hope it really doesnt happen...between me and any of my frens..sigh..cos i dunno..it's like..whatever it is..frens are like so impt to me right now..whatever it is..cos sometimes i dunno what i'd do if i din have them...=o( but yeah..sigh...dunno...really hope it doesn't happen...=o( ~Am~ at 7:35 PM Hello...sigh...ok...going to admit...i have found myself a law class crush...sigh..t's weird lah...ok Shan..you ay be right...gives me some eye candy to look at right? why not...have every right to...and yeah....hehe...his name is HUY..pronounced why...he's an oz born chinese..not too bad looking..got this cute smile man...yeah...dunno why lah..i think i'm just going nuts..or very bored..sigh....but yeah..should tell Shan to stop smiling at me everytime he passes by...SHAN!!! but yeah.oh well...i had a freaky dream yesterday..my god man...Ren..ok..this is really weird..YY..dun freak out..and yeah...to ppl who know him..dun freak out on me...it's like...private dream ok? only for all of you..i told Ren about it..he thought it was cute..hai..going to punch him when i see him...i dreamt we were together..like.you know..leaning on him and stuff like that..but yeah..the only part i ditinctly remember..was that he put his hand up the back of my shirt..like..stroking my back...i woke up.i was like..SHIT...damn dumb dream..but yeah..ahha..he thought it was funny..... anyway..i thought it's about time i cleared up a few things before ppl start thinking about what an @ss Prash is..sigh..ok ok..i know i'm mad at him...ok..'mad'..at him..but the thing is..i know i'm not..it's a lousy excuse..and i should be sorry to him...sigh...he's going to send me the SIM card..and the thing is...when we talked last week...i never brought the issue of the card up..he did himself...din need to remind him or anything...and yeah..he called my fren Justin to find out that he's already in Melbourne..so can't pas him the card..and to make it worse...the idiot brought the card to camp cos he's scared he's lose it..hai..so..in other words..i shoudn't be mad...and i'm painting a horrible picture of him to so many of you..and i feel bad...he's not a bad person..he's a wonderful person..sometimes..so great that I'm beginning to feel insecure..like..you know.hello!! it's him..then it's me..there's no way i can ever match up to him..so i can forget about that..sigh..sad as it may seem..but it's true..not like i can do anything...sniff sniff.... anywya..yeah.needed to get that off my chest and out into the blue...but yeah..i do miss him heaps..although it's been ages since i told him that..but yeah.it's me..not like i'm going to out of the blue say "i miss you"...cos yeah..it's not me...not into letting him in on my mushy side..hai..hopeless as i am... ok..ii better stop ramblng...going to go now. ~Am~ at 10:49 PM
hai..anyhow..my fault again...so dumb...ok..really really going to research now. have to get into this mode....later... ~Am~ at 9:35 AM sigh..man..i'm like researching like hell..have shitloads of things to do..sniff sniff...oh well..what to do...uni...frens just left..so now I'm kinda given this jumpstart back to reality...sigh....now i kinda realised i have HEAPS of work to do...aaaahhhh...sucks man..... ok..going going..better mug.. ~Am~ at 11:39 PM Sigh...ok..i dunno why..what's wrong with me lah..lousy mood today....should be happy though..got to talk to him yesterday and going to tonight...sigh..i dunno..and he forgot the SIM card...he forgot to pass it to my fren..sigh..ok lah..expected...he's got failing memory anyhow....dunno if he's going to mail it though..cos i mean...dun trust snail mail in case it gets lost...but yeah..oh well..will see... Working tonight..have shitloads to do already...anyhow..going to go do work now.... ~Am~ at 10:54 AM hello ppl...man..thank you so much..it's ok..i'm really sorry i din tell you Shan..cos yeah..i din wan it to bug you....it wasn't anything big anyway.... and yeah..doris..thank you so much.god..i dunno what I'd do if i din have you all..i know i shouldn't be bothered about it..i mean..sigh...hello..i'm not supposed to care...but yeah...i'll be alright... i talked to a fren of mine that night when i din get my SIM card...yeah...he made me feel a WHOLE lot better...i mean..sigh..just trying not to jump to conclusions i guess...just see what happens...i might mail him and ask..you know...cos he sent me snail mail..so i can like...uh...justin never got the SIM card...did you post it cos i threw the envelope away already...and yeah..i hope it wasn't in there...sumthing like that....harmless i guess..but yeah..will see..when i'm in the mood to type the email out..oh shit..wait..i have to do it today..if not he wun see it...cos yeah..he's out tonight or tomoro...but yeah..not that i know..cos he doens't tell me anything...=o( anyhow..dun feel like calling him this week..my frens from spore over here and a fren from canberra here too..going out to have fun....yeah...dun care..let loose and dun think..sigh...i dunno..maybe i have expectations..i mean..yeah..ok..if i have to sms someone everyday..yeah..maybe we do expect the person to reply..but hey..i mean...his expectation of me is to sms everyday..and i my expectation of him...is one msg..even if it's "yo"...or..."hi"...yeah..i dun care...whatever...it'll be like good enough for me...i just need acknowledgment of my bloody existance.....and maybe,,just maybe i wun feel used and taken for granted....sigh..life really sucks... but not going to let it bother me...it's FRIDAY..i'm done with my tute..I'm happy..it went well..going clubbing tonight with my frens who just came by..i'm going to have fun..no thoughts..no nothing...sigh...thnak you everyone...to everyone here...i mean..i dunno what i'd do without you all...sigh...it's nice i guess..to know you're appreciated...and i'm glad i have you all to make me feel that way..sigh...appreciation seems so easy to feel..but so hard to relay to another person...=o( how i wish it was simpler..but then again..it wun be special..huh? *smile*..love you all..... ~Am~ at 11:32 AM Oh no Am! I think I read this too late. You just left the library. :( A Hug? Why didn't you tell me the SIM card didn't arrive??? OK, come Monday, you getting a massive i-can't-breathe hug from me! And a cyber one as well!!! *********HUG********* You're a big butt ok. WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME???? ~Am~ at 6:39 PM
~Am~ at 2:55 AM
u poor girl! heres anotheer hug to show u how much i care!=] *tight tight hug* (hope u feel better) so much has happened since i last mailed u! hey remember wat i said....haf faith in him...u know hes not the sort to do this sort of thing....m sure he has a raelly good explanation...dun think too much ya...ur a really graet person...i mean it! not just saying this to cheer u up...anyone would be out of thier mind to take u for granted! dun be down =[ there are lots of ppl out there who really care abt u and loves u...including me =] really hope this has helped...muahh...hugs hugss... ~Am~ at 2:53 AM i need a hug...someone...anyone..even if it's a stranger on the street..ok..maybe not..but yeah..i need someone to hug me..cos i wanna feel loved..by someone who cares...and feel like someone doens't take me for granted... ~Am~ at 10:44 PM
someone please tell me.as in..slap me..whack me..punch me..and tell me this is not worth it...the SIM card never came with my fren...sigh..i duno lah..can't be bothered..i'm not sad..not mad..not anything..i'm just..aarrgh..ok..outraged...disappointed..pissed..sigh..dunno lah...dun even know why i'm letting it bug me... hello..he's only a twit...why am i upset... ~Am~ at 10:40 PM had a good day today....was pretty lax..din do much...presentation tomoro...wish me luck ppl...sniff sniff.. had a good talk with shan today..over whoppers and fries..hehe....man..i miss it..hope more of it happens..hehe....should organise a sleepover soon....and yay..my frens are coming tomro...cna't wait..yay!!!! going to have heaps of fun...yes yes yes....ok..going to read... ~Am~ at 11:02 PM
ok..better go read...have to get my mind off the hot hunk in the movie..tsk tsk... ~Am~ at 11:48 AM yay..got his mail. Finally..my god..he gave me a chinese paper to translate..he's an idiot..BELIEVE i can read chinese...will just find someone to translate it for me..but yeah..just glad it got here...i'm happy enough.... funny though..the way the english, chinese and tamil papers report the same story...it was hilarious...but yeah..good fun to read...ok..going to read more impt things now..AGAIN..i'm like forever reading.but yeah.better get down to it..had a fantastic lunch with rathii and rathaa and jocelyn..we're going clubbing this weekend..woo hoo..yay..finally...been ages..and this should be cool..cos there are so many of us....*grin*....and my frens Justin, Vagen arrive tomoro..and Tushara on frday...i so cannot wait..will be a really busy..but good week..hehe..ok..signing off.... ~Am~ at 4:39 PM
I had such a bizarre dream...i dreamnt of him..and yeah..all i could remember was i gave him a hug and said i missed him. he came to see my dad or sumthing..but yeah..couldn't remmeber what my dad said.....and half way through my dream...i was sleeping..and i woke up...there were red patches on my skin that were flaky and could be peeled off...but then when i went to bed and woke up again..they were gone. So weird... i dunno..dun like dreamin about ppl...cos for some reason..whatever i dream never happens...so...you can imagine....i dun wanna not be able to say that i miss him..although i dun really care about the flaky part..good that it's not going to happen...hmm..that's why i dun like good dreams....prefer weird ones...tat dun make sense... anyhow..going to read..have to meet ppl for lunch later... ~Am~ at 10:26 AM
man..kinda tired..it's nearly 3am..thank god got no school tomoro.. but sigh..i miss the guy..why leh...feels damn crappy..but yeah.i do..care about him lah..but yeah.lets leave it at that..dun wanna put myself through anymore shit man..enough is enough.... ok...going to mug now... ~Am~ at 2:53 AM dun worry Am...i know tt i'm not supposed to be typing anything here, just delete k. u'll be alright dear urs, hamster ~Am~ at 10:55 PM
dunno lah...sometimes i wonder if any of this is worth it..yes..enjoy the moment...but then again..it scares you to wonder how long it will go on...and how you would handle it when it's no longer there.......it's like..i dunno.eating..showering..no.smoking...you do it routinely everyday..and suddenly...it all stops..it's like...everything ceases...go cold turkey...i dunno how i would handle it..... and yeah..it's true that you never realise how precious sumthing is until you lose it...it's human nature that you take things for granted...cos how do you not take sumthing for granted..there's no real way..you can appreciate it..but when you lose it...you never feel like you're contented...you never feel that you gave everything you had...and the cycle just goes on.... sigh..be strong am...god...and yet that seems like the hardest thing to do...why do ppl think you are when you know that deep down inside you're crumbling away to a million pieces..that it hurts so much you wanna just cry away the pain...it's so easy to pretend....but when you're alone..just you and your mind...things go haywire...nothing makes sense.....thoughts flood in like water... sigh...life feels so aimless now...like i dun really have a place i wanna go..or something that i really want...sigh...i dunno..... ~Am~ at 3:59 PM
and to top it off..he's going back in today...to take his standard obstacle course (SOC)...so that yeah...he can get into OCS...damn dumb...i mean..yeah..everyone wants to go there...but it's your health and life we're talking about here...the course is hard..it's like...not everyone passes it..but he wants to go there and push himself for it....i mean....what the!!! what an idiot...someone has really got to explain to me the logic here...and he gets splitting headaches when he bends down...and he still does push ups...no..he wun go and tell his seargeant that he's sick..no..what will he do..he'll happily continue on with whatever.....god...you're not in a bloody war...you're in training...please please dun do this to yourself....it's like..if he doesn't recover by the end of next week the doctor is going to give him 3 weeks off and admitting him...shit...aarrggh..dunno what to do with him..was like telling him off..but no..stubborn baffoon...wun listen..sigh.... shit man..please please....i know he's inhuman but how imhuman is he...he got gold for his fitness test..was so happy for him...which means that he can finally do pullups..amazing...and his seargeant was like...he has never seen anyone run their 2.4 km run and take out tissue in the middle of it to blow his nose...yes..cos it was blocked..why? cos he was sick..and he couldn't bloody breathe....hello!!! and yeah...SOC isn't easy..according to him and many other ppl....sigh...god...i din sleep a lot last night...after talking to him i was so worried..stayed up in bed..thinking..man.....i really really hope he'll be alright...but yea..that dumb oaf...he can take care of himself..but hope he wun do anything stupid...sigh.. ~Am~ at 10:41 AM
but yeah...i just got back from work...trying to get down to doing my presentation..man..have to meet my partner at lunch time tomoro...sigh..and get this sorted out..and yeah..work was tiring man..got anoth set of bullshit customers..AGAIN.... thank god i worked with lidia.if not..i swear i would just explode....not only did we get cusotmers giving us 'black' faces...we got this guy..who insisted on us giving him ice cream and topping for $3..hello! do we look like the bosses to you..damn dumb man...i mean.it's like $3.25 for scoop with topping..whats a measly 25c man..but he kept insisting..saying that some girl always gave that to him...soooooo dumb lor...what the and best of all..these 2 boys came in..asked for 2 ice creams..each..having every scoop of gelati we had..(we had like 6 types of gelati there)..so..lid and i had to scoop 6 scoops of ice cream..and cram it onto a waffle cone...the price came up to $21.30...and yeah..the 2 boys were like.."what"...they said they thought it was $5 each...for one moment..i thought i was standing in front of 2 complete idiots..i mean..hello..it's up there...2 scoops costs $4.45..you think about 6 scoops leh..damn dumb man...and they were like..we're so going to get in trouble with our mum..blah blah blah..so yeah..we just refunded them whatever we could..like $6 worth man....dun wan them to bring in their mom and cause a scene at basking robbins...sigh...and they were like..can we give these back..we dun want them anymore..hello..the ice cream was like squashed together..how the heck do we 'put it back'...arrggh..so damn dumb...i mean seriously...are ppl's brains just deteriorating....you know...rotting...and disintegrating...sigh...so so stupid... anyhow..sigh.going to go mug now...have to study..and yeah..going to give him a call in like 7 minutes..sigh..hope he makes my day go better....hopefully this phone call can make me last thorugh the week man.cos yeah..i foresee..it's going to be quite a hectic one...alright..better go...back beginning to ache.... ~Am~ at 2:25 AM Sigh..was so damn tired after work last night..came back..bummed around..and went straight to bed..couldn't take it...sigh..missed Melvin's bday...feel bad man...too bad lah..was at work... but yea..working again today..sigh.need to get my presentation underway..=o( so BORING...so going to quit soon..and stupid boss called today...said the till was a few hundred short last night..like hello!!! how can that be possibe if there was so little when lid and i went on shift...damn dumb... but yeah..anyhow....better get down to the books.....sniff sniff... ~Am~ at 11:31 AM Man..have to work today...groan...sigh.nvm...shall take more ice cream..hehe...*sshh*..dun tell anyone.... have to read lha..got presentation next week..sniff sniff..and oh man..there's a nice show on TV..hmm...ok.BREAK..hehe...ciao ~Am~ at 12:17 PM Wah..tired man today....i slept in the afternoon..for one of my 'power naps'...ahaha..woke up 5 mins before class...had to run man..haha..oh well..and yes..lucky me..i get a class on friday morning..sigh..but not too bad lah..i like this subject....it's cool..in fact..like all my subs this sem..yay!...hehe... man..working tomroo..and sat..and sun..sigh..try to see if anyone can do sunday for me...oh well..sigh..tired..and yes...one guess what i have to do now...READ..hehe... ~Am~ at 11:35 PM Man..I'm so tired...i din sleep till 3am last night..and i got up at 8.30 to start MORE reading..sigh....Uni sucks...and to top it off..the reading has not stopped..I've still got lots to do this week..sigh..oh well..what to do.... Can't say too much..i just went out to dinner and had a drink...and came back..so yeah..now..time to mug....sniff sniff... k..later... ~Am~ at 10:58 PM Man..yesterday was full of shit....i was soo peeved off yesterday....not only was Maurice (the stupid boss of Baskin robbins..for those who dunno).....being a pain in the ass..i seemed to be surrounded by idiot customers. There are specifically three kinds 1) THE POINTERS point point and dunno what they are doing...so dumb...point..then they tell me..oh..not that one..then still point to the same spot...arrrghh...idiots 2) THE ILLITERATES these kinds have a tendency to piss me off...they point..and ask.."what is this?" when it's right there on the label..read the freaking tag lah.... 3) THE DUMBASSES (OR THE 'YES' PEOPLE) these are the best....i ask them..."would u like it in a cone?"....they say...yes....then i say..." would that be a waffle cone or normal cone?"...then they answer...yes....hello!! what the!! yes what!!......ggrrrr so yeah...my day..turned out to be really shitty...was damn busy cos it was labour day holiday..sigh..going to quit my job soon anyway..before easter...it's like BORING...i feel like my brain is rotting away...and yeah....need more time to study...prob find another job..sumthing more related to what i'm studying...sigh anyhow..after much complaining..agony..and anguish..sigh..i had to settle down and read ALL my nonsense...it's a LOT of nonsense...then went to sleep... today wasn't too bad...had a pretty reasonably good day..but yeah...still tired though..have more to read..really hope i can handle all of this..some more..i'm working 4 shifts this week..doing the weekend..stupid stupid..going to find someone to take one of my shifts...i hope...sigh..ok..better go mug...later....hugz! and to ppl who join... welcome to my blog..it's my own personal space to write down my feelings, vant frustration...anger... and stuff like that..(Keeps me away from the stuffed toys...hehe..) so yeah....uh..(*pst*...not supposed to post anything here...THIS MESSAGE IS FOR THOSE GUNDUS WHO POST MSGS...you know who you are..*grin*) just read about me...what's going on in my life..then yeah..won't be so disconnected when i see u guys..alright..better go.. ~Am~ at 10:53 PM Sigh. Ok...have good recommendations from a good friend that blogging can be therapeutic. Hehe. In some sense I guess it is. And yeah..seeing that writing down what i feel makes me feel better....or yeah....talking to stuffed toys..(dun tell anyone...*wink*)..Sigh..so..hehe..going to invite ppl to my blog now. Just kinda tired today..had to wake up early..wanna go for this diving course but can't seem to find any doctor around to give us our diving medical exam....=o(...frustrating... Have lunch meeting later...then class...sigh..then WORK....aarrgghh..beginning to get sick of ice cream..lets hope there is sumthing to do today..otherwise I'll be bored out of my brains.... Oh...and yes...i talked to him yesterday...yay....kinda happy i guess...seeing now that i'm on this 'going to be contented with whatever i have' mood...dun wanna get mad anymore...i mean..it just hurts when you keep expecting....and yeah..just dun expect...and when good things happen...hehe..be grateful they did..and well...when you're not mad..unexpected things happen...he posted me sumthing...hehe..have no idea what..but yeah..will see when it gets here..got my address off a fren...was touched...*smile*..... so yeah..oh well...i posted him sumthing for v-day..but have no idea why he hasn't gotten it yet...arrggh.have to check out if there's a way of tracing your mail....oh well..ok..going to get down to mugging..my eyes are feeling droopy...=o( have to see how long I'll hold out..ok....later..... ~Am~ at 10:26 AM |
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